I’m reading an article by Allan Hardman and I agree wholeheartedly. He says,”Have you ever thought how much we lie to ourselves? Think about it. How many times do you talk yourself out of what you are feeling because your truth might hurt somebody? Or you tell yourself that you are not smart enough or not beautiful enough or rich enough or buff enough. Is that the truth?”
I can think back during the last few years at one major time when I did not express my truth because I did not have the courage to go against someone else’s beliefs and goals. And I was the one who got hurt.
And for a long time I did not think myself as competent in my field, or worthy enough to dress nice or go out to lunch with successful business women. Why did I treat myself like that? It was my society and parental programming. I was much more than my programming or their limited thoughts about me.
Who are we really hurting here by keeping these thoughts about ourselves alive? Ourselves, just ourselves and increasing our stress because we still see ourselves in a box and can’t find a way out. And we are killing any effectiveness of those New Years resolutions that we have forgotten about by now. And we are keeping ourselves stuck– stuck in mediocrity, stuck in our weakness, stuck in our low self esteem, and our health will be damaged. Why do we do this to ourselves?
We don’t look at who we really are. We don’t see and acknowledge the greatness in ourselves. We don’t see what Stephen Covey calls “the everyday greatness.” He says, “everyday greatness has to be with character, and contribution to society. It speaks to a way of living that allows the person to live by his values, to accept the love and compassion that issues from someone’s face and it speaks to a person’s motives rather than their talents or name recognition. It is the essence of each of us.”
I’ll give some examples: On my morning walks, I admire the stone faced middle aged woman who is wheeling her cerebral palsey son down the street while walking the dog. Her face says it all– it shows patience, empathy, and acceptance of her responsibility to this child. Or there is the local workaholic vacuum cleaner repairman who has no life outside his shop and his family. He always has a smile and witty expression as he waits on his customers. “Work, work, work is all I know,” he told me. He is much more than work, than a successful businessman, or good husband or grandfather. But he limits himself to this self view. Sad.
Our future will require us to look at these good/great qualities in ourselves and nurture them and nurture us. As Allan Hardman says,”The work/play then, is the transformation of our fears and beliefs and agreements .. to relearn everything we know and believe about ourselves.. to choose to be happy, and to learn how.”
We can. It just takes an honest look. I have seen others bloom when they see objectively what they can accomplish. I love to help others see this in themselves. So let’s get started with you–
How do you see yourself and how do you want to be seen? How can this change your future? Next time.
I’m local stress buster and transformational hypnotherapist.
4 signs of self-sabotaging behaviors
Dr. Robert Anthony has written a wonderful article entitled, The Ten Top Signs of Self-Sabotaging Behaviors. He also gives logical, cognitive solutions to each one. I will share 4 with you today and the other 3 on my next post. Please have fun doing the exercises.
Using logic is the first step to being aware of your problem and looking at it objectively. So enjoy fans. I will be doing them too.
The Top 7 Signs of Self-Sabotaging Behaviors (and what to do about them)
By Dr. Robert Anthony
http://ManifestingSecrets.com
Having trouble reaching all your goals? Are you going for what you want, but feeling like something is road-blocking the way? Are you finding yourself “not” doing some of the things you know you should be doing?
You may be a victim of sabotage—self-sabotage. How do you know, and what can you do about it? Read on and see.
1. Focusing on what is not working, not right or missing from your life.
Problem: Notice how often you speak about and think about what is not working, not right, or missing from your life. This only attracts more of the things you don’t want.
Action: Ask yourself a new question: “What’s going right?” or “What IS working?” Begin to notice all the things, no matter how small, that are working well. Keep an evidence journal and each day write down everything, I do mean everything, that is working and you will attract more of what is working!
2. Being stuck in fear:
Problem: Do you worry a lot about the future and what is going to happen or might happen? Are you thinking about your fears so much that you are paralyzed and take no action because of fear of what might occur?
Action: It is time to put your focus on the present. We can’t control or predict the future or other people’s behaviors. All we can control is our own, right here, right now.
Ask yourself the question “What is the worst thing that could happen?” Then, let go and know that rarely do the scenarios we create in our heads occur. Take a moment to put things into perspective by writing down the things you can not change, the things you want to change, and accept that the Universe, God, Spirit, whatever you call it will take of the rest. It always does!
3. Feeling you have no value.
Problem: Do you forget all your accomplishments and lack pride in who you are and what you have accomplished? If you obsess about the past or your lack of success or lack of achievement, then you’ll be stuck in noticing how much you lack as a person. If you often criticize yourself or can’t accept compliments, it’s a definite sign that you have fallen into this trap.
Action: You can choose to notice what you do that is good and the things you can be proud of, no matter how small they may seem. Each day keep a log of what you are grateful for about YOU. When you hear your mind chattering about what you haven’t done right or well, turn down the volume and turn up the volume to hear the voice that knows the TRUTH about who you are and how you add value to the world.
Acknowledge yourself for at least 5 things each and every day that you did well. Each day, compliment yourself on something you did that you feel good about. Notice your small successes and accept the compliments others give you.
4. Comparing yourself to others.
Problem: Do you constantly compare yourself to others and then feel badly when compared to them? Comparison doesn’t motivate us to do more or be better, instead it makes us feel we’ll never be good enough and we aren’t right now.
Action: Write out the 5 qualities you like best about yourself. Then write out what you value most in your life. When you go to a place of comparison, notice how similar you are with the other person vs. what is different. Begin to create a list of adjectives that describe you – at least 25 positive words about your greatness. Whenever you notice yourself in a comparison mode, think of some of the adjectives that describe YOU.
______
Don’t you feel better about yourself. I sure do. It is truly time to give ourselves some credit. It is tough living on this planet right now and the sooner we come to understand that we have the skills and tools to change our life the easier it will be to make the change.
Send me a note telling me if this exercise worked for you.
Next week, we’ll look at the other 3 signs of self-sabotaging behaviors and another approach to changing them.
Bye for now,
Your Stress Buster,
amber